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What should you know about using your children as messengers?

On Behalf of | Jan 24, 2025 | Divorcio

Having to communicate with your ex is often one of the more challenging aspects of having a custody arrangement. Even if you’re trying to find ways to improve communication with your ex, you should avoid considering using your children as messengers in any manner. 

Understanding some important considerations about using the children as messengers may make it a bit easier to remember why you shouldn’t ever ask them to relay information.

Messages may be misinterpreted

Messages can be relayed improperly or misinterpreted when you rely on children to relay them. This can lead to misunderstandings between parents that could have been avoided if they had communicated directly with each other. 

Negative reactions may occur

Some messages that are passed back and forth may invoke negative reactions in one or both parents. The children shouldn’t be the ones who have to deal with that type of reaction. 

Children may feel the need to choose sides

In some cases, relaying messages and being privy to the reactions of both parents may make the children think they have to choose sides, which is never appropriate for any child. The children should have the support of both parents, but that may be difficult if the children are being placed in the middle of adult matters. 

The parenting plan should outline the terms for communication. This may include the type of communication and the frequency of communication. Getting the plan together as quickly as possible after the split may help improve communication, making things easier for parents and children alike.